Paris, Wellington, Cape Town (29/10 – 18)

South Africa has produced another magnificent defensive performance, to win the 2023 World Rugby Cup final. The Springboks beat New Zealand 12-11 in a Saturday thriller at Stade de France, Saint-Denis, thus becoming the first nation to win four Rugby World Cup titles – after their previous triumphs in 1995, 2007, and 2019. Four Handre Pollard penalties gave the Springboks a 12-6 lead in the first half. By that time, New Zealand already lost captain Sam Cane, red-carded for a high tackle on Jesse Kriel in the 32^nd minute.

The All Blacks only managed to score two penalties in the first half, via Richie Mo’unga. Beauden Barrett touched down, to bring New Zealand to within a point, just before the hour mark. South Africa held firm under huge pressure, with an impressive defensive display. Over 80 minutes of play, The Springboks made 209 tackles, with an 81% success percentage.

The New Zealand is the one with the most tries throughout the tournament, with 47 in 6 matches before the final. That’s nearly 8 per game on average. The All Blacks made just one valiant try against The Springboks.

“They just know their game. They are strong and experienced. They’ve got the ability to play the game at their pace,” admitted All Blacks coach Ian Foster. “For us, it’s heart-breaking, and I look at the effort of our team. We gave ourselves a really good chance in that second half, especially after the damage that red card created.”

Since day one of the tournament, a masterclass defense has been South Africa’s best weapon. On 10 September, The Springboks took Scotland with an 18-3 first game win; their opponent, humiliated, could not register a single try point. With another shutout on 17 September, Jacques Nienaber’s team destroyed Romania, 76-0, in the second game.

World number one South Africa lost to Ireland by a shameful 8-13 in the third match, on 23 September, only scoring once from many tries. In the last match of the pool stage, on 1 October, while Tonga made three tries, South Africa bested them 49-18.

In the quarter-finals and semifinals, The Springboks eliminated two former champions, France (29-28) and England (16-15), scraping through with the smallest of margins. England did not score a single try in the semifinals. In the final, The Springboks won their third consecutive game by a single point. Those three results show their skill at edging out close encounters.

“I think the main thing was just the strength of the squad,” South Africa coach Jacques Nienaber said. “They’re experienced, they’ve been in a final before, and some of them were playing a third World Cup. So I think the experience just pulled it through. They’re an amazing bunch of guys, all warriors. We’ve come a long way with these players; we’ve planned for this since 2018,” added Nienaber.

“The last three games were really rough. Each one we played like a final,” said South Africa flanker Pieter-Steph du Toit, named “Man of the Match” with 28 tackles in the game. “Each one we won by one point, so it was quite tough for us,” he concluded.

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Paris, Wellington, Cape Town (23/10 – 33)

History is arising on the horizon, as New Zealand and South Africa, two ancient foes, clash in the 2023 Rugby World Cup Final on Saturday 28 October. New Zealand smartly swept Argentina aside, 44-6, in the first semifinal on 20 October. After their embarrassing defeat 13-27 at the hands of France in the first pool match, The All Blacks are now on a fantastic run.

Will Jordan and Co. destroyed Namibia 71-3, Italy 96-17, and Uruguay 73-0 in the remaining pool matches to the knock-out phase. Ian Foster’s team overcame the world number one Ireland 28-24, smacking them with a scintillating performance in the quarterfinals before dismantling Argentina in the last four. “We came here wanting to be in the final and then we obviously want to go and win it,” said Foster, who will leave his job after the World Cup.

New Zealand are under immense pressure after an underwhelming run of form last year. But, The All Blacks are now aiming to become only the second side after South Africa to win the World Cup after losing a pool match.

South Africa are a worthy adversary for New Zealand in the final. The Springbok definitely have a champion-seeking mentality.

The defending champion triumphed over Scotland 18-3 and Romania 76-0 in the first two pool games. They responded to an 8-13 loss to Ireland with a 49-18 win over Tonga in the last pool match. And then came the exhibition of South Africa’s mental power in the first two knock-out matches. They won those two matches by the narrowest of margins.

In the quarter-final, in a battle that could well turn out to be the best match in the 2023 Rugby World Cup, The Springboks defeated the world number two – and host – France, in a thrilling 29-28. In the semifinal, Jacques Nienaber’s team rallied to win 16-15 over England.

“One has to commend the strength of this team for the way they find a way to get a result,” said Nienaber. “It took us 70 minutes to get a foothold in the match, and the players refused to give up and fought until the end. I’m very proud of them for that.”

Now a historical final awaits New Zealand and South Africa. Only one of them will seize a record fourth World Cup title. This match is a rerun of the 1995 Rugby World Cup final, also the first meeting for The All Blacks and The Springbok in The World Cup.

South Africa won 15-12 in the 1995 final. The two teams went on to meet – four more times – in the World Cup. New Zealand had the upper hand in the last three meeting in the World Cup, with a 29-9 win in the 2003 quarterfinal, 20-18 in the 2015 semifinal, and 23-13 in the 2019 pool stage. But at the last meeting in the World Cup warm-up match on 25 August 2023, South Africa knocked them sideways with a 35-7.

Overall, New Zealand collected 62 wins in their 105 meetings with South Africa. The Springbok won 39 times and 4 other matches ended in a draw. After their narrow wins in the quarterfinal and semifinal, South Africa know that their work is cut out for them in the effort to prepare themselves.

“New Zealand are really playing an explosive game, punishing teams from all over the park,” said The Springbok’s fly-half, Handre Pollard. “We’ll have to do homework for that.”

On the other hand, The All Blacks are aiming for another defensive masterclass. “History shows often a team that is defensively one of the best will end up winning the World Cup,” New Zealand captain Sam Cane confidently stated. “There are a few guys in our team who are incredibly passionate about it. We have a system we really believe in.”

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Paris, Auckland, Sydney (9/9 – 10)

Disclaimer. This article may offend you. Well, tough luck, go and read the science section or volunteer for the Girl Scouts. This is men’s rugby. Redneck, muscles and unabashed violence. Not suitable for the “Woke Generation”. Swearing, alcohol consumption and “guy talk” included. Political correctness? Dumped in the Men’s Room with the rest of the waste.

There was once a myth going that claimed that “All Blacks are unbeatable”. Like, “the Russians are invincible and can’t be beaten”, “Americans are the Gods of basketball” (but beaten by the darn Krauts, whoever would have imagined…), and so forth. The All Blacks were beaten, whipped, destroyed. And who, the French of all the people. Well-deserved. The myth has sprung a leak! Deflated! Is no more!

In a disastrous first round, All Black staggered into the Hall of Infamy. The Paris opening of the World Cup witnessed an historical first: blacks defeated, humiliatingly, in the first round. Now dear reader – let this sink in for a second. Is this the End of Empire? The ominous Advent of a toppling of the Rugby World Order? What calamitous effect will this wreak on the beer price economy in New Zealand (BURP) and across the globe, since Steinlager is banished from the shirts, replaced by some smirking, holy-woke, politically correct Helen Clark.

Alas! Sainted Jonah Lomu rotates in his grave. We hear the grave echo of heads smacking in Paris. No longer a freight train in ballet shoes gracing us with the myth of all Blacks but more like a snarling catcall of Butterfingers! and Jelly Legs! Constantly fumbling the ball.

What indeed is the epitaph of the Kiwis? “Sluggish, erratic and well [cussword here]. “Gentleman… lads… chums… hello, what’s with the triple S-play?’ was the moan from one disbelieving fan, shaking his head sadly, as he ordered a large tankard of French brew to booze his sorrows away, hissing “I thought this was a World Cup match – not the Auckland secondary school try-outs”.

Another fan changed out his All-Black shirt, parading around in his white undershirt. “I’d rather go naked!”, he muttered to his wife, who was attempting without success to console him.

It was painfully pitiful to watch the All Blacks “trying out” a technical rugby, a strategy which experts had vociferously warned would fail. And fail it did, wow did it ever: a colorless game, no fire – just burning up the clock: Kiwi play was pathetic, whatever it was called. Certainly not “All Black rugby”.

Repeated errors, sluggish moves – a “high school level” bereft of any coherent strategy. Another fan moaned quietly to his French friends “If this is the new All Blacks style of A-game, it’s best they forfeit the next match and go home with their tails between their legs, to spare us any embarrassment. His French friends, slyly snickering with justified schadenfreude, pretended to feel sorry for their sorrowful fellow sports lover.

We need to bear in mind that This is Paris, the blood-soaked theater of riots, revolutions, the Black Bloc – which compared to the All Blacks evinced more power, dependably. Thus the gleam of the guillotine for foreign interlopers. Ask the hordes of pretty girls who periodically lose their heads in Paris. This squad in fact looked truly unfit. Sluggish plays gave way to a Wehrmacht tank formation mowing down the Maginot line. Head on – and stuck each time.

And, did I just manage to communicate just how atrocious it was?

The French smartly snapped up the edge, thanks to New Zealand’s ill-conceived plays. The All Blacks conceded penalty after woesome penalty, as French fullback Thomas Ramos did the job on them, scoring 17 of Les Bleus’s points with his murderously accurate right foot. Note: do not blame the squad. It was the mule-headed leadership who picked the strategy. They seem to have overlooked the reality that the World Cup is no testing ground for whether “flavor of the month” pet theory they might concoct: it is not amateur hour. The grown-ups are in charge.

And speaking of “adult entertainment” (snicker). Entry to the painfully-humiliating spectacle were as painful as a spinal tap: 750 to 1,750 Euros for the masochistic pleasure of witnessing a ringside tragedy, a myth sent straight to Hell.

Playing in front of a packed crowd of 82,000 at Stade de France, the monumental defeat was an historical first for New Zealand: never before had the All Blacks been defeated in a pool stage of the Rugby World Cup. Always invincible, All Blacks had before this match won 31 out of 31 pool matches, since the Rugby World Cup premiere in 1987.

It was also their most devastating loss in World Cup history. The 14-point margin eclipsed World Cup losses to France in 1999 (31-43), Australia in a 2003 semi-final (10-22), and England in 2019 (7-19).

Any dedicated fam will assure you that New Zealand are one of two powerhouses in the Rugby World Cup: along with South Africa, All Blacks have swept up the most titles. In 1987, 2011, and 2015, New Zealand took home the Webb Ellis Cup. New Zealand never missed a tournament, finishing second in 1995, third in 1991, 2003, and 2019, and fourth in 1999.

Their worst performance was in the 2007 edition, when the All Blacks only managed to reach the quarter final. This year they marched in confidently, assured of winning their fourth title. Instead, it was their Stalingrad.

Well, we always can nurture the hope that this was indeed a) some magic, brilliant Eisenhower strategy, storming the beaches and sending the Germans running – but with only one hiccup (no German team in play), or b) all the other teams will succumb to the mythical “long Covid” and turn blind and deaf. That seems unlikely. So, no miracle will miraculously save them, as long as whoever dreamed up this idiotic strategy – one that even a 2-year old can figure out – is in force.

In fact, to see the All Blacks play this badly is no real surprise: there was a signal that they would not perform well in this year’s World Cup: two weeks previously, the All Blacks suffered their all-time heaviest margin of defeat, routed a humiliating 7-35 by South Africa.

Despite such a cascade of Waterloos, All Blacks Head Coach Ian Foster still talks tough, adamant that team confidence in a fourth World Cup glory is still intact. “I don’t think we have to rebuild,” Foster said. “In the past, we’ve won all our pool games and not won the tournament. Our goal is to win this tournament. We’re frustrated we lost a game. We fired some good bullets at them. We just didn’t fire enough.”.

It takes a very confident leader to predict glory after such a defeat. Look, you don’t have to be a Napoleon nor a Churchill (he too made plenty of screw-ups), to see what works and what does not. Two major losses and a zero running game. Let me clue you in, Ian, mate: this is not soccer. This is rugby. A man’s man game. Hey, I bet you the girls’ rugby team kicks your champs’ ass – because right now, this is no winning show. Chess is more fun to watch than All Blacks. Now I apologize for dropping the brutal truth: I do so hope I am proven wrong.

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